If you are dying to get your boyfriend back but don’t know what to do then you have come to the right place. In this article, we will cover some major mistakes you may be making and what to do to make him desperate to get you back!
Step 1 – Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Women sometimes feel that if they allow a man to continue to get the “milk” for free that they will eventually want the cow again. Meaning that if you hang around enough and remind him of how great that you are (or if you have sex with him) that he will want to get back into a relationship with you. WRONG! If you want him to like you again then you need to put some distance between yourself and him,
If your ex wants to break up then you need to actually break up. Too often, men “break up” with women but then continue to string them along with hopes for the future, intimacy and the like. You shouldn’t allow him to take you for granted or to take advantage of you. You need to take a REAL break from your ex.
This will give you a chance to consider what may have happened. You will have time to think about what went wrong and be objective. In the meantime, it will also make him wonder what in the heck you are doing when you aren’t with him or talking to him. In that way, it has two advantages.
Here are some questions to ask yourself while you are taking that space:
- What have you done to contribute to the break up?
- Were you clingy, aloof, mean, dishonest, immature or unkind?
- What do you think he initially liked about you?
- Were you smart, sweet, funny, kind, silly, smart, beautiful or spontaneous?
- Do you feel guilt about anything?
- This could be anything from cheating to forgetting his birthday.
- Why do you want him back?
- Do you really want him back so that you can be happy again or are you just used to being with him? Are you trying to make something work that just isn’t meant to be? Are you being honest with yourself about the relationship? Are one or both of you really capable of change?
Step 2 – Get His Attention Again
Once you have given him some space and allowed yourself some time to think, you should find an opportunity to let your ex see you having fun without him. You can go places where you would know you would see him or post pictures on the internet. Better yet, let his friends see you out having a great time and then when they go back to him to tell him what they see, he will be obsessed with the idea of seeing you again!
Allow him to make the first moves back toward spending time together. If and when he does, then start hanging out with him just a little bit. Always leave first and never linger as you will seem desperate. Always leave him wanting just a little bit more.
As you start hanging out gradually and casually he will see changes in you. Whatever it is that you thought about during the “distance” phase will show here. If you thought a lot about your relationship and realized, for instance, that you work too much and didn’t give him enough attention then leave your phone in the car or talk about everything OTHER than work. He will be glad to see the change.
Here are some things to try in order to get his attention:
- Exercise and get in shape
- Get a new hobby like cooking or gardening or, even, a sport. Let him see that you are moving on to bigger and better things.
- Post pictures of yourself having fun on social media. You can post pictures of you looking sexy, of course, but what you should really show him is how happy and vibrant you are without him. Let him see you laughing, swimming, singing, travelling and just plain enjoying life.
- Get a new hairdo. You can cut it, color it, or just try a new hairstyle.
- Get new clothes. You shouldn’t totally change your style for anyone, especially a guy. Be you but be your best self. Be stylish and funky and cute and let him see you be confident and HOT!
- Make new friends.
- Start hanging out with new guys
- Ignore him! (This is the most important one) Never be rude or mean to him but keep a healthy distance and don’t show any signs of interest, at first. If he texts you, text back but keep it short. If he sees you out and approaches you, then smile and quickly excuse yourself to do something else. The point is to let him see that you aren’t waiting around. This can be hard but it is crucial!
Step 3 – Keep YOUR Man
This just might be the most important step!
Don’t make the same mistakes twice. Anyone can forgive you for being imperfect. If he can’t, then forget him. However, if you make the same mistakes over and over again then you may start to lose him. If you lost him in the past because of your career then don’t fall back into your old habits of answering work calls at dinner or talking about your contracts non-stop. Remember that reflection period after your break up? Well, it should come in handy now.
ALSO, don’t put too much pressure on yourself and be realistic about who you are and what you can and can’t do. Don’t go crazy with worry over whether the relationship is going to fall apart again. That will only make things worse. You have to really and truly start fresh. You can’t completely forget the past but there’s no need to dwell on it. You two are trying to start over so do that as best as you can.
Ways to Start Over:
- Date! Go out to dinner, to the movies, to the park, the mall, anywhere! Keep the spark alive by dating. Don’t fall into your old routines where you sit on the couch every night. Make it special and different the way that it usually is at the beginning of a relationship.
- Try not to talk too much about the past. Discuss the future and make plans. If you fail to talk about the future and see the future for the two of you then you two will eventually become bored or even depressed. The more you look toward the future together, the stronger you two will be.
- Try new things together. Try new foods, go to new places, experience new hobbies or dare one another to do something crazy. The more new things that you do, the less that the past will matter. Aside from that, it’s an amazing way to bond and start to move toward the future together. You two will be stronger and happier for it.
- Don’t tell other people about your problems. Don’t call your mom, your dad, your sister or your BFF and rehash things that happened months or even years ago. Thinking about, talking about and dwelling on that type of negativity will not serve you well and will keep your mind in that place.
It is so important, however, that you don’t forget to be yourself. It’s important to work on yourself to improve your relationship as long as both people are doing the work but it is not OK for one person to do all of the work and all of the changing.
If you love your job, for example, then you can certainly take time away from it to devote to him but you also need to be aware of the fact that your job matters to you. He needs to be on board and supportive for you. Making fun of your hobbies or putting down your job, for example, are not signs of a good partner. He should be interested in you and in what you have to offer.
In conclusion, you need to be willing to take a long, hard look at yourself and figure out why you got dumped. Did you deserve it? Did you give up? Did he give up? Do you really want to be with him? Do you like who you are when you are with him? The questions go on and on and on…
The truth is, you will have to really take some distance and THINK. Once you have done that, be the kind of girl that he initially liked. Be fun, smart, pretty and outgoing. Remind him of what he had and what he is missing. The last step is to move forward openly and honestly and to give each other a clean slate and another shot. If you can’t do that then you are wasting everyone’s time.